Saturday, June 28, 2008

I scream, you scream, we all scream for shaved ice?

What is that line for?

It's a half hour wait!

What could it possibly be for?

Oh yeah, Matsumoto Shaved Ice.

Now, is there anyone reading this that has had shaved ice before?

Ok, now listen closely... you've never had shaved ice before.

I know that sounds all pretentious and cliche like: "This is the best pizza in the world!" when it's just a pizza that's really good.

But seriously, Matsumoto's is the ORIGINAL shaved ice stand.

It's the one that the movie stars come to when they come to Hawaii.

No, seriously, they have pictures of Tom Hanks, Presidents, and other celebrities up on the walls eating the shaved ice.

Matsumoto's is the shaved ice stand that other people emulate and take back to their cheesy stands at state fairs.

When you see a sign that says: "Hawaiian Shaved Ice" what you are getting is a snowcone.

It's not the same at all.

Ever ordered a pizza outside America? It's like that.

2 totally different food substances.

So, if you've had: "Authentic Shaved Ice Straight From The Islands Made By Previous Residents of Hawaii" then you need to stop pretending that you know what we are talking about.

What you've had is a glorified Snoopy Snow Cone Machine (tm) treat.

Now, for those of you who've never had anything close to shaved ice (except for a pathetic imitation via a Snoopy Snow Cone Machine (tm), let me tell you what you've got.

First, you start with an ice cream cone shaped paper 'cup.'

This cup is filled with vanilla ice cream.

No chocolate, no strawberry, no Neapolitan.


Then you have a machine that shaves ice. Literally.

You take a block of ice, stick it in a vice-grip looking thing that presses it against a giant razor that shaves it into snowflakes.

These snowflakes are gathered up into a large ball.

This ball of shaved ice (which we think might be laced with heroin) is then placed on top of the ice cream 'cone.'

Then you take syrups with magical fairy dust and pour them over top of the shaved ice.

Jaqui got a "Hawaiian" which had Bananna, Coconut, and Pineapple.

I got a "Matsumto" (because I believe in always getting the 'original' when going to a place that is famous for something), which had Coconut, Pineapple, and Lemon.

Then you stick a straw in the top (i'll explain later) and a little wooden spoon like you get with sherbert cups.

If you aren't familiar with sherbert cups and how you consume, then you aren't my friend and I want you to stop reading my blog and my wife's blog.


You take all this and put it in a big plastic serving container that looks like a flower.

This helps to contain the icy nectar of the gods and keeps it off the concrete. Which is a good thing because you'll look pretty silly licking up the shaved ice off the ground.

And believe me, if you took one bite of this and dropped even a single snow flake, you'd be down on your hands and knees licking it up too.... and then seeing if anyone else dropped some of theirs.

I'm not kidding. You really start to fiend out.

So, what you do is take your wooden spoon and eat the shaved ice with the liquid nectar straight from rainbow-fairyland.

Then as you get to the bottom and feel that you couldn't possibly consume a single grain of sugar more... you hit the ice cream.

Oh, but I know what you're thinking.

"Hey, it's just vanilla ice cream. Big whoop.."

Oh my friend, you are so wrong.

This isn't just vanilla ice cream anymore.

No no..

All that delicious tropical 'stick it in my vein via a syringe' syrup that has found its way through the snowflake ball has started to mix with the ice cream.

Now you've got tropically laced ice cream.

And you consume.

You consume it like a starved southerner at a $5 all you can eat buffet.

Then, when you hit that part of the 'cone' where your wooden spoon is too wide to get that last little bite out of there, you bring in the big guns.

You use the aforementioned straw to suck the nourishing juices straight into your mouth without ever having to have their flavors spoiled by the air.

And then... and only then.. will you stop to revel in the carnage you have just been a part of.

You will stop and say: "Whoah... where did it go? Did I eat it already? Why did I only get a small? Is it worth another 30 minutes to wait in line? I'd wait 30 minutes in line to ride a ride at disneyland.... maybe I will wait in line...."

But like all good drug users know, it takes a few minutes for it to hit your system.

And once that sugar hits your system you think: "WHOAH! This is amazing!!!! And I remember now why I only do this once every 5 years..."

Here's me giving the: "Don't even think about it face" to some tourists who looked at my shaved ice funny.

I was worried they might try to bypass the 1/2 hour wait by accosting me.

Here's jaqui on the verge of having a stroke from having shaved ice applied directly to her sinuses via a straw.

Bottom line, go to Matsumotos.


Mari said...

Matsumotos is the best treat. Ever.

Who liknks to me? Ask me how....just kidding. Just click here.