Sunday, October 21, 2007

That which doesn't kill us....

Another day in paradise I guess. We went to church this morning and all went ok I guess. We started a new Sunday school class specially for people with kids called "sowers". The lesson was mediocre at best. Really bland. Then the sermon was really trying, but just wasn't there either. So basically it was a morning of fluff. Like almost 4 hours of it. I'm really trying hard to give this church a chance, but I'm starting to loose interest. My husband is ready to move on and find another one, but I just hate change and drag my feet at the thought of it.

Then,... it mush be a full moon or something but my 6 yr old was in rare form all day. He has been trying to pick a fight with all of us since we got home from church. Finally he picks enough that we begin to lash out at him and snap back. He's really good at painting you into a corner to where you have no other choice but to snap at him. We always set him down, apologize, explain how it's not ok to loose your cool. I grew up in an abusive home and personally have a really hot temper. Which already is a recipe for disaster. I've had to work hard keep it in check all my life. I need to go into another room and count or something to settle down. But my little bug will follow me into the other room and not let me get the space I need. All the while poking at me. I hate it when it becomes the battle of the wills at my house . We all can be really stubborn.

So in short...screaming matches were had, a couple of spankings, many timeouts, both for him but mostly for me, many angry words , but many more "I'm sorry" and "I shouldn't have....". It has been a really emotionally draining day.

The worst part of all of it, as Bug and I were at odds most of the day, Sunshine kept curling up in a corner. Whats more...she kept sneaking Peanut's binkies. She hasn't needed a binkie for over a year, but the overall stress of the household made her need a little bit of security. Sort of pitiful. Pretty depressing though.

Maybe tomorrow will be better.


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